I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
