1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
