There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
