haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
pray to the hookup gods
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
