Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
