he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
