I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
