Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
