ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
