when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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