got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
