i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
