A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
