yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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