Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
