thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
two words: eviction party
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
