I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
