For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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