I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
