I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
