Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
