so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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