There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
