and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
