playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
