I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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