Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
