..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
