We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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