cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My life is pants optional.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
