Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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