Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
