I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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