she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
