I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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