I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
