ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
