Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
