Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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