glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
