i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
