Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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