what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
