So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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