Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
