bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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