the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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