If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
