There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I love having hate sex.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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