tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
