hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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